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BEANS

by Beans

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1.
salmon kill 01:16
i dont care about sex i only care about drugs i dont care about rock and roll i only care about drugs i dont care about life i tried it wasnt enough i only care about distractions i only care about drugs and sometimes i forget that one day life will end and that everything is just pretend
2.
well i've killed everyone that i love in my head because its just so much easier to love someone if you think that they're dead oh i'll tear off your arms and your legs and your head and i'll cry at your funeral then go back to bed i've heard its harder to sleep in a bed that you've been in all day seems that way i've even tried thinking of colors but everything comes out as grey i can't stop looking for needles when i go to hit the hay go to sleep well i'm trying my best but it seems that my brain has far too much to say well i hate everyone that i've ever met because its just so much easier to hate everyone when you spend all your nights alone in bed oh well i'll sit here for hours on end until my thoughts start again my new tv best friend will tell me its pretend oh fuck do i need the rest
3.
4.
isola bella 03:04
they kept them locked on an island in the lake like wolves they would howl every night they were perfect blank slates but were they scared to go to sleep because the only thing real they ever saw was in their dreams and i remember the night i woke up my mom was in the other room folding laundry with the tv on it was late i was surprised she was awake and she held me in her arms and told me things would end ok how can a newborn be adorable imagine the fear in being born an entire new existence unbeknownst to you and entire lifetime to live for i just want to hold something till it dies i want to be the reason for mass suicides i don't mean harm on anyone don't get me wrong i just want to feel the life of something real and pretend that its my own i can't remember what its like to feel alive
5.
fxe 01:16
i’ve never found the time to stop and look at the mountains no, i’ve never found the time to stop and really look at anything i think i’ve had my eyes closed my whole life i think that if i opened them i wouldn’t really see much else i think that my mind has created all that i will ever see because nothing lately has seemed so surprising i think that your eyes are pretty i think that thought way too much i think that i think too much and sometimes when i'm alone these thoughts just repeat for hours on end like a post-midnight tv schedule yet i watch these episodes that i’ve seen already because i'm afraid of silence i think i'm losing touch
6.
you could break it down into a series of misconceptions but i don't have the time please turn off the lights i'm not saying that i'll feel better but theres a better chance i might and i still get the same feeling that i did running from the monster on pinetree ridge in the summers at twin lakes as a kid bite my lip until it bleeds a good nights rest is all i need my visions blurry its getting hard to breath i could just go home the only place that i know wont collapse on me its getting hard to breath suffice to say my fear is more than just a face painted on a rock down that road whats real or not im not too sure am i alive is this a lie we let go of joey's leash the dog ran ahead and we followed there was no bear or sound or really any tangible excuse for our fears but was there a tangible excuse for us being there? we walked down that limestone road with no presumptions we weilded but a crabapple and a hound and left with nothing but fear fear of nothing fear that something may have existed and now we are left to wonder if our reactions would have been the same if there were really a monster on that road after all
7.
if i hold my breath i bet i could die i know youd love to tell me otherwise so lay on my chest i'll close my eyes breath out i'm alive you took your tears from your cheeks and wiped them under my dry eyes you told me not to cry this happens every time i'm a ghost and i know that a ghost is nothing to trust because you need something to hold and i'm just dust when you said goodnight were you tired did you really go to bed or did you make up all those vivid dreams that you claimed you had because you were scared to see me like this upset and alone i close my eyes i feel your breath im home maybe i can't die if i hold my breath well what if you held it for me maybe i can't die if i hold my breath at least im happy
8.
i hung up take out menus on the wall for a lack of decoration in an act of desperation to put meaning to this place how could i leave a place where the sun always sets so sweetly and the stars are out almost every single night school has started again along with your smoking habit oh well its so tragic how disatorous these past months have been if gravity is nothing more than an apple falling from a tree then what is relativity but the distance in which it lands and i've landed here for better or for worse of that im still unclear im the furthest thing from sure if i'll make it past this year so i'll start building to rebuild and stop building to destroy (s/o drake) and i'll start a whole new life closer to what i had before before i ran away to the top of mount olympus im a coward not a god hiding behind a paper fortress so how could i leave a place where the sun always sets so sweetly and the stars are out almost every single night

about

here are some songs hope you enjoy your day

credits

released December 11, 2014

all songs written and performed by benjamin martines

produced by john molfetas
engineered by john molfetas
mixed by john molfetas

album art by benjamin martines

written in a boat sailing to a stable fiscal year thanks to everyone for keeping this paper train chugging catch you later im going home to count all this money bye haters

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all rights reserved

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about

Beans New York

ben martines
searching my brain curves
for pieces of what could be
peace of mind
or what my dog may have
left behind (poop)

FORMERLY TWIN LAKES

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