by Beans

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here are some songs hope you enjoy your day


released December 11, 2014

all songs written and performed by benjamin martines

produced by john molfetas
engineered by john molfetas
mixed by john molfetas

album art by benjamin martines

written in a boat sailing to a stable fiscal year thanks to everyone for keeping this paper train chugging catch you later im going home to count all this money bye haters



all rights reserved


Beans New York

ben martines
searching my brain curves
for pieces of what could be
peace of mind
or what my dog may have
left behind (poop)


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Track Name: salmon kill
i dont care about sex
i only care about drugs
i dont care about rock and roll
i only care about drugs
i dont care about life
i tried it wasnt enough
i only care about distractions
i only care about drugs

and sometimes i forget
that one day life will end
and that everything is just pretend
Track Name: i swear he's a bad omen
well i've killed everyone that i love in my head
because its just so much easier to love someone
if you think that they're dead

oh i'll tear off your arms and your legs and your head
and i'll cry at your funeral
then go back to bed

i've heard its harder to sleep in a bed
that you've been in all day
seems that way
i've even tried thinking of colors but everything
comes out as grey
i can't stop looking for needles when i go to hit the hay
go to sleep
well i'm trying my best but it seems that my brain
has far too much to say

well i hate everyone that i've ever met
because its just so much easier
to hate everyone
when you spend all your nights alone in bed

oh well i'll sit here for hours on end
until my thoughts start again
my new tv best friend
will tell me its pretend
oh fuck do i need the rest
Track Name: isola bella
they kept them locked on an island in the lake
like wolves they would howl every night
they were perfect blank slates
but were they scared to go to sleep
because the only thing real they ever saw was in their dreams

and i remember the night i woke up
my mom was in the other room
folding laundry with the tv on
it was late i was surprised she was awake
and she held me in her arms
and told me things would end ok

how can a newborn be adorable
imagine the fear in being born
an entire new existence unbeknownst to you
and entire lifetime to live for

i just want to hold something till it dies
i want to be the reason for mass suicides
i don't mean harm on anyone don't get me wrong
i just want to feel the life of something real
and pretend that its my own

i can't remember what its like to feel alive
Track Name: fxe
i’ve never found the time to
stop and look at the mountains
no, i’ve never found the time to
stop and really look at anything
i think i’ve had my eyes closed my whole life
i think that if i opened them
i wouldn’t really see much else

i think that my mind has created all that i will ever see
because nothing lately has seemed so surprising

i think that your eyes are pretty
i think that thought way too much
i think that i think too much
and sometimes when i'm alone
these thoughts just repeat for hours on end
like a post-midnight tv schedule

yet i watch these episodes that i’ve seen already
because i'm afraid of silence

i think i'm losing touch
Track Name: the monster on pinetree ridge
you could break it down
into a series of misconceptions
but i don't have the time
please turn off the lights
i'm not saying that i'll feel better
but theres a better chance i might

and i still get the same feeling that i did
running from the monster on pinetree ridge
in the summers at twin lakes as a kid

bite my lip until it bleeds
a good nights rest is all i need
my visions blurry
its getting hard to breath
i could just go home
the only place that i know
wont collapse on me
its getting hard to breath

suffice to say my fear is more
than just a face painted on a rock
down that road
whats real or not im not too sure

am i alive
is this a lie

we let go of joey's leash
the dog ran ahead and we followed
there was no bear or sound
or really any tangible excuse for our fears
but was there a tangible excuse for us being there?
we walked down that limestone road
with no presumptions
we weilded but a crabapple and a hound
and left with nothing but fear
fear of nothing
fear that something may have existed
and now we are left to wonder
if our reactions would have been the same
if there were really a monster on that road after all
Track Name: hold my breath
if i hold my breath
i bet i could die
i know youd love to tell me otherwise
so lay on my chest i'll close my eyes
breath out i'm alive

you took your tears from your cheeks
and wiped them under my dry eyes
you told me not to cry
this happens every time

i'm a ghost
and i know that a ghost is nothing to trust
because you need something to hold
and i'm just dust

when you said goodnight were you tired
did you really go to bed
or did you make up
all those vivid dreams that you claimed you had
because you were scared to see me like this
upset and alone
i close my eyes
i feel your breath
im home

maybe i can't die if i hold my breath
well what if you held it for me
maybe i can't die if i hold my breath
at least im happy
Track Name: yours truly, the boy (nwts)
i hung up take out menus
on the wall
for a lack of decoration
in an act of desperation
to put meaning to this place

how could i leave
a place where the sun always sets so sweetly
and the stars are out almost every single night

school has started again
along with your smoking habit
oh well its so tragic
how disatorous these past months have been

if gravity is nothing more than an apple
falling from a tree
then what is relativity but
the distance in which it lands
and i've landed here
for better or for worse
of that im still unclear
im the furthest thing from sure
if i'll make it past this year

so i'll start building to rebuild
and stop building to destroy (s/o drake)
and i'll start a whole new life
closer to what i had before
before i ran away
to the top of mount olympus
im a coward not a god
hiding behind a paper fortress

so how could i leave
a place where the sun always sets so sweetly
and the stars are out almost
every single night